SOLSC15: Day 10: Forward…March Challenge

More slices can be found at Two Writing Teachers.

At My Juicy Little Universe, Heidi’s has word to stretch our poetic minds. Today’s word is SKETCH.  In looking for some other poems for my writing group last night, I discovered this:

Behind the Museum Door

 young artist, cold  bench
colored pencils, sketchbook in hand
instead of homework
head bobs up and down

eyes glance at mentor’s  painting
draft lines, shapes appear
closing time  announced
artist gathers belongings

crumples, tosses away
artist stares surprised
as painting speaks, “keep at it”
retrieves tattered draft

–jone 04/17/2009

I decided to revise it a bit:

Behind the Museum Door

A young artist sits
on the cold bench
colored pencils, sketchbook in hand
instead of homework

Her head bobs up and down
eyes glance at mentor’s  painting
draft lines, shapes appear
closing time announced

She crumples her sketch,
tosses it away
the painting speaks, keep at it
She stares and retrieves her tattered draft

 

© 2015 Jone Rush MacCulloch all rights reserved

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3 Responses to SOLSC15: Day 10: Forward…March Challenge

  1. You’ve penned how I feel!! Thank you for sharing your perspective!

  2. mrssurridge says:

    I really like both. I think this poem could describe more than sketching.

  3. Tara Smith says:

    Oooh…so remarkable how just a few strategic changes sharpen the poem. Well done!

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